The Problem
Making mistakes is common. Apologizing for them is not. I despise the euphemism for making a non-apology, like walking it back. It’s pathetic.
Apologizing for mistakes is too frightening for many because it reveals vulnerability. In their minds that means they’re weak. It’s the opposite though. Humans make mistakes. Apologizing reveals you are human. What else are you?
Of course, if you’re male, expressing human qualities is something you must never do. And, if you’re female, it’s even more egregious because vulnerability demonstrates hyper-sensitivity in addition to weakness. In that case, the solution is to man up or demonstrate you’re so dependent on the opinion of others that you must quickly deny whatever you did and never apologize.
The Solution
- Open yourself up and apologize. Taking this risk in front of others demonstrates courage, trustworthiness, and strength, key leadership qualities. So, the next time you make a mistake, apologize. And make it unequivocally complete by including the following ingredients:
- Say “I’m sorry” without expressing any excuses whatsoever
- Express regret, which is disappointment in yourself about what you did
Admit you violated a standard, broke a rule, ignored a protocol, or others - Acknowledge your actions or inactions caused others harm, which means you empathize with those you hurt
- Request forgiveness, which you will only receive if you empathize
Source
Guy Winch, The Five Key Ingredients of an Effect Apology, Psychology Today, May 7, 2018
